Dear God! First there ARE enough stories to chat about, then there AREN'T any. Quit teasing me like this!

O.K.  2 days ago,  I had a ton of celebrity and political news to talk about.  Now,  here it is 2 days later,  and it seems as though the news has come to a screeching halt-again!  What ever happened to those good old days,  when paris was driving trashed,  or nicole was only eating half a saltine cracker,  and running on the beach wearing a bikini top,  showing us her carcass rib bones?  I applaud them both for straightening out their lives,  but now what do I talk about?  There are a couple of stories I can write about,  so let's dive right in (put on your goggles and flippers).  I' am sure you heard by now,  that Robin Williams is getting a divorce from his wife of 19 years.  Holy cow!  19 years with Mr. funny pants.  That's a long time!  Maybe I'f he waxed his chest and entire body now and then!  I like me some chest hair,  but not enough to sleep with a gorilla!  Someone pass Robin the nair please!  I watched the finale to the celebrity apprentice last night.  It came down to Pierce from america's got talent (hardly),  and country singer Trace Adkins (hottie,  but lose the pony tail).  Pierce of course won.  They had all the former contestants at the live (although it had said recorded from an earlier broadcast,  therefore how could it be live) finale,  and sure enough omarosa was there (cat fight).  The Donald asked her what she thought of Pierce,  and she had the worst comeback answer even donald had ever heard.  She said "you should take about $250.00 of the charity money raised,  and buy pierce some quality time with a dentist.  He really should floss more".  Then Donald asked pierce what he thought of her answer,  and he said "I'm sorry,  who are you again'?  Way to go pierce!  Donald then said to omarosa "your comeback wasn't very good,  or even funny".  You got that right!  She needs some lessons in slam downs!  And she thinks she all that.  PA-LEEZ!  Girl your so yesterday,  your expiration date expired months ago,  and no one likes a stale chip!  *snap*!  Now that's a comeback-Bitch!  The only other big news (and its more of a tiny spec),  is that Jaime Lynn Spears is supposedly engaged.  WHO CARES!  Her parents are denying it.  again-WHO CARES!  BORING!  I'D RATHER READ THE PHONE BOOK!  O.K. maybe not.  Carrie Underwood,  is coming to bozeman in May,  on her carnie,  I mean carnival of pain,  death,  what ever tour.  Yeah,  I'll be wanting to go to that show.  I think I have to watch something on the t.v. that evening.  Sorry.  I'm booked.  Anyway,  that's all I have for this edition.  I'll be back on tuesday with hopefully some great stuff to talk about.  Celebrity's,  you have 3 days to cause mayhem and disaster before my next blog.  Ready-Set-GO!  Make it good.

OMG! We have ALOT to talk about! (Finally)!

After my blog on monday,  and me saying that there was nothing really to talk about,  It seems as though the gods up above granted my wish,  and gave me plenty to talk about (thanks guys,  I owe you $1.00.  Maybe $100).  First things first.  Yet another mayor is caught with his pants down!  The mayor of Detroit is now busted for having a sexual thang with a former aide on his staff.  They both deny the charges (duh).  That's 2 mayor's in less than a month.  Who's next?  The mayor of whoville?  Don't trust him horton!  So yesterday,  I was on i-tunes (as usual) to check out the new B-52's c.d. when I clicked onto the dance music icon,  and low and behold who do I see has released her first single "4 minutes"  from her upcoming album which hits stores on April 29,  and has named this new c.d. "hard candy"-MADONNA!  (That was the longest build up I have ever typed out.  My fingers are bleeding)!  Yes,  I downloaded her new single (shock).  It features Justin T. and Timbaland.  It's really good (and I'm not just saying that because I am a huge Madonna fan....O.K.  I' AM)!  The B-52's new c.d. is good also.  I haven't downloaded it yet,  but you know I will.  Now I just need to see the music video for 4 minutes,  and I can die a happy man ( I'f I WAS dying.  And that wouldn't be my last wish anyway.  I'd wish for 1 night with Hugh Jackman.  Woof!  Night night)!  In other celebrity news.  Demi Moore was on letterman monday night,  and she gave away her secret to staying so young and vibrant.  She told Dave,  that she has medically trained leeches chew away at her skin,  which releases some chemical in the blood stream (yummy.  tastes like older lady,  trying to recapture her youth.  Could you pass the katsup)?  Umm,  excuse me?  Medically trained leeches.  Where did they study?  Harvard?  Yale?  A local community college?  I can only imagine what their dorm room looked like while in school.  Now we know why Bruce left her ass!  I don't watch dancing with the stars,  but I do like to read who has been kicked to the curb each week.  This week 2 contestants went home with there dancing shoes (or lack of).  Monica Seles and  Penn the magician.  C YA!   Also Ellen Degeneres was named favorite talk show host,  beating out Oprah (see,  she isn't all that),  and larry King is the least favorite (must be the snappy suspenders he wears),  in a recent poll.  Then on the front page of my newspaper this morning,  I see an article that a celebrity house is divided (no,  not j-lo and Marc Anthony).  Angelina Jolie is a Hilary Clinton supporter,  while Mr.  Pitt is a huge Obama supporter.  It's division like this,  that can cause a marriage to crumble and collapse.  O.K.  do we really need this as a front page story?  It couldn't be ooh I don't know ON THE LAST PAGE IN THE PAPER THAT NOBODY READS EXPECT THE WEATHER!  Who cares what those 2 freak- a -zoids are doing,  or who they like and don't like.  Take your chimp lips and your fake ass hair color (angelina then brad slam down not both brad) and go back to the jungle and eat bananas and live in a mud hut you both made out of twigs!  Ba-bye!!  I also read in the same article (literally,  just now),  that Hilary Clinton is a distant cousin on her mother's side to Madonna,  Saline Dion,  and Alanis Morissette.  That's one long distant cousin you don't want over for the holidays.  All drunk off her ass,  talking about bill and how he has a small dick.  Cut her off!  Moving on.......

I'm glad to see some of the shows that were on hiatus returning.  I watched the Britney episode of how I met your mother.  She was actually pretty funny!  Go Brit!  And two and a half men was also a knee slapper (god,  I sound like I'm 80 or something).  Can't wait for the ABC line up to return (where are you housewives)?  I will be shooting my you tube video on friday,  and hope to have it up by the weekend.  With the Kathy Griffin contest ending in 2 weeks,  I need to get my butt in gear,  and just do it!  That's all I have for this edition.  I'll be back on friday with a wrap up before the weekend starts.  have a great one (a great BIG one that is).  I need 2 get some!        

Monday, Monday.

We'll,  yet another weekend has come and gone.  Hope everyone had a good bunny holiday (easter for those who thought I was referring to something else,  like national hopping day.  Don't ask)!  I of course,  worked a 13 hour day,  but am I complaining?  Am I bitter?  O.K. kinda.  Actually,  it wasn't that bad.  One of my employees came back with a plate full of food for me to devour ( you animal).  Then I came home to homemade strawberry shortcake.  Yummy!   On thursday night,  we went and saw horton hears a who.  I actually liked it.  It was really funny.  I wouldn't buy it on dvd when it comes out,  but ya never know (in other words,  I will be).  They showed the preview to the new speed racer movie,  which comes out in may.  I was never a huge speed racer fan,  in fact,  I have never watched even one episode.  I don't get where the little boy with the beenie, and the monkey fit into speed's life.  I kinda find them annoying.  Pick better friends,  and friends who are human and around your own age range speedy (yeah,  my best friend in the whole world is only 6 months old.  BFF).  Christina Ricci plays speeds love interest.  This lesbian better convince me that she can kiss a guy,  as well as kissing a woman,  or refund city I will go!  They also showed the a teaser preview to the next Ice Age movie,  which comes out in May 2009.  Little early,  don't ya think?  What's next?  Desperate Housewives the movie,  coming in 2012.  I like to plan ahead,  but that's a little too far ahead.  Hmm I better set my calender on my cell phone to remind me about the movie now.  On friday,  I went to billings to do some car shopping (more like looking at what I CAN'T afford).  Sales men are getting more aggressive these days.  One salesmen offered me a BJ,  and a twix candy car,  I'f I bought a car from him.  Sign me up!  We went to one dealership,  and as we were leaving the lot waiting to turn onto the street,  a salesmen came running out of the building waving towards us to stop.  GUN IT!  Do they honestly think we'll buy a car from them,  when they're coming towards us like a mad man?  That's one of those moments that I wish I had some silly string,  and I could've shot them with it and yelled afterward "your soo silly!"  after the whip lashing from all the dealerships,  we went to do some affordable shopping.  Lunch was at Red Robin,  and dinner was at Olive Garden.  Saturday evening,  we went to see the music man at the firehouse 5.  I liked it!  I thought it was better than the movie.  Then again,  most theatre performances usually are better when seeing them on the stage,  than the movie versions (o.k. not all.  Who could forget JC superstar.  I rest my case your honor).  Backtracking to horton,  it was number 1 again this past weekend.  You go hortie!  Not much entertainment news to talk about from the weekend,  it was quiet.  Britney will be on how I met your mama,  not sure when the episode airs.  Maybe tonight?  Let me go check...(actually going to check the t.v. schedule).  YES,  its on tonight.  Of course I'm taping it!  Tomorrow is new music tuesday,  with panic at the disco and the B-52's new c.d. coming out.  I will let you know how they sound.  Also this week,  I'll be filming my Kathy griffin video for you tube.  Hope you all have a great monday,  and I will see you on wednesday!  

Would you like some HARD CANDY? It'll cost you!

O.K. before you jump to a conclusion that the title for this blog is a sexual inuendo,  think again (or think that it IS a sexual comment,  I know you want to).  Hard Candy,  is the title to Madonna's highly anticipated new album (oops I mean c.d.),  which hits stores on April 29th.  I went on to amazon yesterday,  to view future releases,  and there she was,  in all her glory (god save the queen of england,  I'f she sees the cover for madges new c d).  Madonna is blond,  yet again (she's had more hair colors than the former mayor of new york had escorts) and her hair is looking like it did in her express herself period.  I thought the point of getting older,  was to look forward,  not look back (who could forget madonna in that video,  crawling on the floor heading for a bowl of milk like a cat that has come in from the outside.  Stop it!  Bad video)!  She's surely not showing any signs of slowing herself or us down,  with her outfit on the cover of hard candy.  It shows her spread eagle (been there,  done that.  Like 10 years ago) sitting on a chair (thank god it was a chair),  and her wearing black knee high boots,  and a black stretchy outfit,  with a huge belt buckle in gold that says Hard Candy (why can't most cowboys wear a belt buckle like that?  I would love them EVEN more)!  Madonna is going to release 7 songs off the new album (c.d.) to customers who have some sorta phone service in England (bitch),  and charge .99 cents per song.  They can download the same song as many times as they want,  then the next day a new song will be available to download,  and so on.  You get the idea (but does madge)?  The first single is "4 minutes".  I haven't heard it yet,  but I want to (duh).  I will let you all know when I do.    Halle Berry has named her daughter (its about time)  Nahla Ariela.  Guess she couldn't go with something simple like pear or orange.  I had to write the name down,  just to type it out on this blog.  Imagine that little girl when she grows up.  She's better carry around a bic pen everywhere she goes (no,  not narnia!  Let me write it out for you).  J-lo is on the cover of people this week,  with her new babies emme and max.  Now those are pretty good names.  Easy to remember,  easy to pronounce.  Hmm,  maybe Halle should lay off the sauce,  when naming children (because some people weren't liking it *snap*).  Nicole Kidman is also pregnant.  All these celebrity women who are expecting.  Anything to get your name in the press.  Who's next?  I'm going to guess cindi Lauper?  Ya never know.  I plan on uploading my video entry to you tube this weekend for Kathy Griffin.  I will have a link on here for all (5) of you to click right on and watch it.  The mystery comment blog from my previous blog has been solved (and I didn't even need to call on the scoobey doo gang).  It was my friend exit 333.  I was hoping it would've been Kathy.    Maybe next time.  I am planning on going to see horton hears a who tonight.  I am not much of an animated movie kinda guy (o.k. I do like shrek and the simpson's and the smur...I mean transformers),  I will have my review on that,  as well as MC (mariah scarey's) performance on SNL from last weekend.  She said she wasn't happy with it (this outta be good),  and she's also going to be on American Idol 3 count them 3 times in april (can we still get courtney love)?  Once as a mentor (or how to be a money sucking leach),  once on Idol gives back (not again),  and finally,  to promote her new album.  Someone stab me with a toothpick in the eyes right now!  I think she should wear crocs and sweat pants as a mentor,  but that's just me.  Anyway,  that's all I have for this edition.  I'll be back on monday with a weekend wrap up.  happy Kathy Griffin thursday all!

Someone posted a comment on my blog, then took it back. Could it have been Kathy? We will never know!

 As I mentioned in the title,  someone (or something),  wrote a comment on my blog on sunday the 16th.  But then,  they decided not leave the comment posted.  Kathy?  Janet?  Mariah?  Who knows.  I hope it was Kat.  Can I call her that?  Anyway,  I haven't watched the SNL from this weekend yet.  Maybe I'm scared to see MC do her thing (or lack of).  I will watch it,  and of course have a full report as soon as I do!  Heather Mill's finally had her day in court.  She was awarded a HUGE settlement from Paul McCartney.  She was awarded 46.8 million dollars,  or $34,000.00 per day.  I will take that off her hands!  Like she needs THAT much money.  PA-LEEZ!  I need that much money (hell,  I'd settle for $5.00).  Also Halle Barry had her baby.  Congrats Halle!  OMG (ooh my god,  for those of you who aren't familiar with computer slang O.K.),  hold onto your seats!   Donny and Maria Osmond are hosting the miss USA pageant in Las Vegas.  And you can buy tickets to the show!  I think I'm going to be sick!  Donny and Maria hosting the miss USA pageant is the internet's idea for their big comeback?  Don't get me wrong,    It is a big deal  but I thought maybe they'd be at a ribbon cutting for a new Walmart.  Now that's HUGE!

I need to get ready for my lunch date for this week.  Kathy,  I'f you do read this,  PLEASE leave a comment.  Better yet,  pick me as a winner in your contest!  Until next time................................

BRITNEY INVASION!! (Run fer them thar hills)!

Happy Kathy Griffin thursday everyone!  I wasn't going to submit a video on you tube,  but now I am (what a surprise)!  I figured it would increase (or decrease) my chances of winning tickets to see Kathy in May.  I plan on uploading my video on monday morning.  I will let you all know when it is finished (and this may make me finished).  O.K. the big news of the day is that Britney is going to be making a guest appearance on the cbs show how I met your mother (sounds like the title to her father's autobiography).  I am not exactly sure,  what her role will be on the show,  but I plan on NOT watching it.  Britney also has a new single out from her album blackout called "break the ice".  The video is animated in japanese cartoon form.  I tried to go to her website to watch the video,  and you have to enter 2 secret words to be able to access the site.  I tried britney spears,  and no luck.  I tried black out,  and no luck.  Finally,  I tried coke hoar and bingo,  I was in.  Actually,  that didn't work either (you'd think it would've),  and so I finally gave up.  I can watch it when it comes on yahoo or you tube.  Besides,  I don't wanna  see the video THAT badly,  because knowing britney,  I'll have to join her fan club or sign up for a t-shirt on her site,  just to see the video.  Welcome back brit!  I never have watched the tween show the hills on mtv.  Now all of a sudden,  this Heidi chick is everywhere.  First the show,  then she decides to record an album (very badly I might ad.  I'd rather listen to amy whinehouse over dumb ass barbie girl)!  Now she's going to have her own clothing line.  I'f you wanna purchase anything from the collection,  you can go to the local thrift stores in a couple months (buy 1 get 2 free,  sweet deal)!  Janet Jackson,  was supposed to perform on saturday night live this sat. evening,  but she cancelled because she has the flu.  Maybe she's embarrASSed about her album (that would be my guess).  Now,  of all the people to replace miss jackson,  they get Mariah Carey.  I can just see the butterflies and unicorns now!  I will be curious to see how she does (and you all know I'm going to tell you)!  On American Idol last night,  David Hernandez (gay stripper boy who isn't gay,  just likes the attention and the feeling he gets when a gay man puts a dollar in his g string),  was voted off last night.  Maybe he should've given simon,  randy,  and ryan a lap dance (ooh yeah,  that's how daddy likes it)!

O.K. now onto yet another stupid commercial from our terrific t.v. channels!  I saw this ad on t.v. for this cervical cancer pill called "gardicill".  The commercial shows different mother and daughters talking about the fact,  that they went together to the doctor to get the pill to prevent cervical cancer.  I'm all for protection of cancer or any other illness,  but this commercial is soo far from the truth,  that being the bond between a mother and a daughter.  I don't know to many girls,  who like to even go out in public to the mall with their moms.  "Mom,  stop it,  your embarrASSing me"!  And to think they went to see the family doctor (more like were forced to go,  or no allowance) with dear old (or young) mom.  "Now that we've gone to the doctor together honey,  let's go get you your first piercing.  I was thinking maybe a tongue ring.  Sound sweet?  High five"!  Give me a break!  I think that most girls would rather go with a best friend or the school geek (carry my books to the doctor's office will ya), than go with mommy.

Sorry I'f I was rambling on about that,  but the commercial is so stupid.  Anyway,  that's all I have for KG thursday.  I'll be back on monday,  with a weekend wrap up,  including miss Carey's performance on SNL.  Until monday,  have a great weekend!    

I just watched Paula's music video. I think I'm gonna throw up!

Happy new work week everyone (how exciting).  We have a lot to cover today,  but then again don't we always!  I was reading a review on yahoo this morning,  about Paula Abdul's new music video for her new single,  which I can't remember the song title (that shows you how much the song impressed me)!  Randy Jackson,  her idol judge sidekick wrote the song for her (who knew the "dog" was so talented with words).  Yahoo had the video to watch,  and of course I watched!  What a waste of my three minutes (refund please)!  Don't get me wrong,  I love Paula and she has had some good songs in her day (who could forget promise me your not gay...I mean promise of a new day).  But she just doesn't make the cut for me (Paula,  your fired)!  Her music video shows her dancing with her dancers (in case she falls,  they can pick her up),  in the same dance moves she had back in the "coldhearted" video.  She had a lot of pelvic thrusting going on (I thought she was having a seizure.  Can we give paula her medication please)!  Her moves are so stale.  I've seen better moves at a senior citizen bingo night (B 12).  I love ya paula,  but stick with what you know.  Talking gibberish while drooling through the mouth,  and making crazy comments,  that make no sense and that will have you in a lawsuit.  THAT'S the paula we all love!  The rock and roll hall of fame had their inductee ceremony last night.  I didn't know Madonna was going to be inducted.  No one sent me the memo!  From what I read on line this morning,  she was introduced by Justin Timberlake (suck up boy).  She was all teary eyed at the honor (who wouldn't be?  Maybe Paula),  but they said all the other performer's who were inducted performed but her!  Now that's what I call a diva!  How dare she not perform anything from her long list of songs,  that got her to that point in her career (take that away from her!  I bet Paula would've performed)!  And to top that one step higher,  she didn't even thank her family!  None.  Not Guy,  Rocco,  Lourdes,  her own father!  Now that's just being a BITCH!  But I still love her (although the love meter has gone down a little,  after hearing that)!  Congrats Madonna!  And the next time you win an award,  TRY to thank somebody (a dry cleaner maybe).

10,000 B.C. was the #1 movie this past weekend.  I wanna see it,  but not that badly.  Well,  I'f there's a lot of shirtless cavemen running around with loin cloths,  then count me in!  Just like the music scene (now that's what I call music 27?  Let it go already),  there hasn't been any one movie I want to see.  I do plan on buying no country for old men,  which is out on dvd today.  Matt Damon,  and his wife are expecting what I assume is their first child,  since that's all the internet seems to be talking about (who cares)!  Britney's dad,  and her ex Kevin Federline were spotted playing golf together.  Their doing it for Britney!  Girl,  you'd better snap back into your old body soon,  and kick some ass!  What is your father doing with your ex hubbie?  Only the 2 of them really know (playing with balls,  but not the golfing kind)!  I have decided to NOT put a video on you tube for Kathy's contest.  I plan on entering once a day,  until the contest deadline.  I'f I win,  I win.  I know it sounds like I'm giving up,  but I'm not!  I WILL meet Kathy one day,  either in person or a court of law!  But It's going to happen,  believe me.  That's all I have for today.  I'll be back on Kathy Thursday!  Have a great day,  and stay away from the Paula video!