Finally watched the Oscar's (thank god for ti-vo and the fast forward button)!

Well,  I FINALLY watched the ocscar's from sunday evening.  BORING!  What would have taken me almost 4 hours to watch in real time,  only took me less than 2 with my remote,  and a button called FF.  I thought Jon Stewart did an o.k. job.  I find him to be annoying at times.  Then again,  I find most people annoying (minus my 5 readers and Miss Kathy,  of course)!  I thought Ellen did a much better job last year (and I'm not just saying that,  because we're both gay.  Go Ellen)!  I loved it last year,  when she started to vacuum the front row during the show,  and she said she didn't know that responsibility came with the hosting duties,  a classic bit!  I thought most of the acceptance speeches were alright.  When the screenwriter for Juno won,  I hadn't realized she was once a former stripper.  Then she walked up to accept her trophy,  and I saw that hideous dress she was wearing (missed that one in my review on monday.  How could ANYONE miss it)?  I thought jennifer hudson's dress was flintstone like  (and talk about jennifer's big boobs in that thing!  Look out she's going to kill somebody with those)!   It's like they called each other up and planned on wearing their dresses from the wilma flintstone collection (which nobody will ever buy)!  I would've rather seen Miss Juno writer naked,  than wear than hideous piece of fabric!  O.K.  maybe not naked,  but it would be better than what she had on  (show us some moves honey)!  The other dress,  which I missed (and the eye doctor told me I had perfect vision.  REFUND!)  was jessica Alba's feather dress.  I liked the color,  and the way it flowed on her,  but those stupid feathers!  I was hoping a bird would've seen her dress,  and taken a BIG dump on it!  No such luck.  But to be honest,  the dress didn't really need the help of others to look like crap,  not even a little innocent bird!  And then to top it off during the telecast,  they show the people who we've lost during the year.  I was watching with great concentration,  because I always see someone who I liked as an actor/actress,  that had passed away,  and didn't know that they had.  Next thing I know,  they're showing about 4-5 AGENTS,  who had passed away.  Umm,  excuse me?  AGENTS?  PA-LEEZ!  Who are they going to honor for next year?  "Sal"  dry cleaner to George Clooney.  Or "Mickey"  butcher to Denzel washington.  "Betty" personal banker to Nicole Kidman.  I believe we should honor those who made a difference in hollywood,  but an agent?  What's this world coming to?  Moving on.......

In case you've been out of the loop ( and we've all been there),  then you've all heard that Michael Jackson's Neverland ranch is being foreclosed on,  and put up for auction in a month.  Poor Michael.  I wonder I'f little sister Janet,  will let him stay with her for awhile?  (Don't do it girl!  Show some restraint)!  We will have to see how that unravels.  I downloaded janet's new c.d. on tuesday.  I actually like it.  It's the old janet back with us again (its like she went to bad music making rehab).  She switched it up,  with some new producers for this album.  It sounds like her old school janet,  way back in the day (pass the lemon lime drink "slice" please).  Check it out.  You'll be glad you did!  (God,  I sound like one of those lame ass infommercials.  Yikes)!

I have a bone to pick with advertisers,  who use celebrity's to endorse their products on t.v.  I like most of the commercials that I have seen (and paid attention to) on t.v. Then the other day while working out (yes,  I work out some of the time),  I look up at the t.v. they had on at the gym  (one of 8 to be exact) and I see this commercial for tide detergent,  and of all the people tide could've used,  they use Kelly Ripa!  OMG! (ooh my god,  for those of you who aren't savvy with computer lingo.  OK)!  I can't stand her!  The commercial shows her at a dinner party (you know she just invited herself),  and someone else at dinner is talking with their fork,  which has food on it (I think you know where this is going).  The food plops off the fork,  onto the white (of course,  typical.  Like it would show up on a light blue or brown) tablecloth,  and everyone is in shock,  ceasing all conversation at the table to see this one "accident" happen.  (give me a break,  it's just a piece of food,  no one peed on the tablecloth.  O.K. like that would happen either).  All of a sudden,  Kelly (miss stain fighter.  I wonder I'f she'd disappear,  I'f we used Tide on her?  Let's try it shall we),  stands up from the table and says she'll take care of it.  So she pulls the entire table cloth off the table like houdini (who by the way is watching from beyond the grave thinking what a bitch!) and removes it without disturbing anything on top of the table.  She then washes it,  then puts it back the way she took it off the table (now Houdini is REALLY pissed off).  I never liked Kelly.  Now this commercial confirms it!  My god,  its bad enough that she's with regis every day,  (poor regis)  now we have to see her "magic" with tide.

Don't they make tide to go in a take with you stick form?  Use it regis!  I dare you! Ba-bye Kelly

Finally,  I read on line this morning that that Miley Cyrus (Hannah for those fans who know her as hannah),  was on the tonight show last night,  and she drank an entire bottle of squeeze ketchup.  That's what makes her #1 for a pop princess.  We need to pass the ketchup off to britney,  and see what happens (its a bloody mary in a bottle brit.  Try it.  Go on.  Good girl)!  That's all I have for now.  Kathy Griffin thursday was yesterday for those of you,  who actually remember.  I am still working on trying to get her to montana,  either bozeman or missoula.  I am going to call the booking agent on monday morning,  and let you all know how that went.  Hope you will all go and check out a movie this weekend.  I'm going to go see "semi pro" tomorrow night.  I would also like to see "penelope" with Christina Ricci.  Until monday.......... 

    

Oscar has left the building! (And no one ever noticed)

Well,  another year of the oscars has come and gone.  I wasn't able to watch the show live on sunday night,  due to me having to work and serve pancakes (maple syrup,  be right back),  but I have the show recorded which in my opinion is better,  then I can just watch who won what award and then fast forward I will go!  I was able to go online yesterday to see what everyone was wearing (some good,  others....not so much)!  Let's start with the WORST dressed,  shall we (and we will)!  First off,  Daniel Day Lewis looked very handsome in his black tux.  Until you pan down to his BROWN dress shoes!  Looks like Daniel still had some oil from the set of his movie in his eyes!  His wife was even worse.  She had 2 red bows on each shoulder,  then some lace in the middle,  and then the dress was just a mess after that point.  it looked like Cinderella's dress makers (the forest creatures and the blue birds) were all drunk when they spit this dress out!  Then poor Jennifer Hudson.  You'd think after last year's dress (who could forget),  that she'd learn her lesson this year-WRONG!   She looked like she raided both Wilma Flintstone and Pebbles closets!  Cameron Diaz looked beautiful,  until you look at the back of her pretty in pink dress,  and see not so pretty wrinkles!  Ever heard of an IRON!  ( Steam helps also)!  Then the best supporting actress winner from Michael Clayton,  and her gown (more like a bad comforter you don't want to use to sleep with).  Hideous!  It's like she got into a fight with an animal,  and in the struggle,  she lost a sleeve!  Ellen Page had the most boring dress of the evening!  At least the previous people mentioned TRIED to wear something that would propel them onto a list of some kind.  Ellen should've been on a hit list (slap in her face),  for what she wore.  It's like she raided her grandmother's closet,  and picked the one dress that wasn't form fitting at all.  Hell,  I'd rather had seen her in a prom dress with those overly puffy sleeves at the top.  I will watch the oscar show tonight,  and continue my rampage tomorrow...

Then I was reading on line this morning,  that Whoopie Goldberg was upset,  because she wasn't mentioned in a montage of previous oscar hosts on sunday evening.  And of course,  the women of the view,  were more than happy to cheer her up (later they all plan on going to a male strip show,  and drink lot's of tequila).  I didn't know that Whoopie had hosted the oscars 4 times,  and that she was the first woman to ever host the show.  I'd be upset too!  You go Whoopster!  The big winner of the evening award wise,  was No Country For Old Men.  I liked the movie.  Not sure I'f I would've chosen it for best picture,  but then again I'm not on the oscar board (I applied,  but the annual fees are way too expensive for this one right here).  Anyway,  I will watch my recording of the show tonight,  and be back tomorrow with a wrap up.  This oscar thing can't go on forever (although it feels like it could)!  Until tomorrow,  have a great day! 

Back from the eye doctor. Still have perfect vision!!

I just got back from going to my eye appointment,  which we'll get to in a minute.  First,  I wanted to let all of you (5),  know that I rented American Gangster last night.  I loved it!  I have always liked Denzel,  and have liked a few movies from Mr. Crowe,  but this movie was excellent!  I think I may even buy it (which anyone who knows me,  knows I hardly ever buy movies to own).  I used the new "red box" dvd movie rental system.  For only $1.00 you can rent a movie.  Not to shabby!  I had gone to Albertson's to do some shopping anyway,  so I thought I'd see I'f the movie was at the red box there.  It wasn't in stock.  So,  determined to watch it last night,  I drove to Smith's which also has a red box.  When I got there,  this woman with her daughter who was about 3 or 4 years old (the daughter,  not the mom),  were both picking out a couple movies.  About 10 minutes later.....  Hello!  I need my movie,  and I want it now!  When you let a child pick a movie,  it tends to take a little longer (o.k. even some adults are just as bad)!  I finally got up to the screen,  and it was in!  Great movie.  I recommend everyone watch it (except that little girl)!  So today,  I went to return it,  no problem.  But I wanted to rent Michael Clayton,  which was out.  So I drove to Albertson's,  to see If it was in at the red box there.  I walked in,  and the red box is next to a u.s. bank a.t.m machine.  This woman was standing in the middle of both the red box and the a.t.m.( and talking on her cell phone,  while standing there)!   I couldn't tell I'f she was waiting for the red box or the a.t.m. There was somebody using the a.t.m. in front of her,  so I assumed (which you never  do,  I think we all know what happens) that she was waiting to use that,  and not the red box.  So I cut in front of her,  found my movie (hooray),  and started to leave.  As I was leaving,  she decided to use the red box.  At least she wasn't all in my face like "excuse me,  I am using that".  Which my response would have been "really?  then get off your damn cell phone,  and ACTUALLY use the machine".  But It didn't come to that,  and I have my movie!

O.K. now onto my eye appt.  So, I get there a few minutes early (10,  but who's counting),  to check in and to fill out paper work.  The receptionist,  whose name I didn't catch,  we'll call her mousy.  She just reminded me of a mousy type woman.  Anyway,  mousy asks me to fill out my form,  and she asks me I'f the D and the E in my last name are both capital's?  I tell her no,  The D and the J are.  Then she says as I hand her my forms,  "o.k. John I would offer you a seat,  but were in the process of remodeling the office".  John?  Try Christopher.  And the fact they're remodeling the office,  which is in Costco,  is hilarious!  The space is as big as my kitchen at home.  Mousy proceeds to call me john at least 3 more times,  while I'm waiting to see the Dr.  Then the Dr.  emerges from her office (nice effect huh),  and she asks mousy to take my eye measurements with that air blowing machine they use on each eye.  Well,  they just got all new equipment in yesterday,  but mousy wasn't there to learn how to use it (that would've been helpful for her).  She stands up from her desk,  and walks around to set up the equipment.  She's walking slower than an 80 year old woman.  She looks at me and says "I'm o.k. I was lifting some ice blocks yesterday,  and threw my back out."  Now we know where she was during training.  I was gonna offer to get her some ice for the pain but thought that would've been to cruel (actually,  I just thought of it as I was typing it.  I should've offered her some ice)!

I'm sitting there with my chin on the chin rest of the machine,  my forehead resting where it should be.  Mousy was trying to line up my pupils with a green light,  which she kept saying repeatedly "do you see the green light yet?"    No,  I don't,  I thought to myself sitting there.  Then she kept cursing under her breath lowly so I wouldn't hear her (but I did.  In fact,  some shoppers walking by the office with their carts heard her).  Then she apologized for swearing the 3 times she did swear.  I wanted to say "ooh,  no fucking problem!"  I was finally whisked away into the exam room,  had my eyes examined (clean bill of health),  and paid my bill.  I picked out a new set of frames,  which will be here in 2 weeks.  I'm so excited!  I haven't had new frames in 3 years.  The new frames I bought are made by Nike (who knew).  I will post a picture on here with my old frames,  and my new frames and you all (5) can tell me I'f you like them.  Finally,  I did send Kathy my usual weekly e-mail yesterday.  You can book her,  but you have to call this booking agency,  which handles kathy's shows she performs.  I'm going to call on monday,  and see how much it'll be to have her in montana.  Like I said yesterday,  donations will be accepted for this event.  Let me know!  Congratulations to J-Lo and Mark anthony.  They are the proud parents of twins,  one boy and one girl!  I'm sure they'll sell out to people or US weekly for the photos.  Can't wait to see them!  I will be back on monday with an oscar wrap up from sunday evening.  I have to tape them,  and then watch when I get home from work.  But,  you know I am not going to pass up on trashing bad fashion,  and who won and who didn't!  Until monday,  have a great weekend!  Kathy,  I love you,  and wish you'd write soon!!

Kathy G thursday. Now if only she'd perform in Montana!

Well,  another week has come and gone.  I wasn't feeling up to par as they say (why they use golf terminology to describe not feeling well,  is beyond me!) on tuesday evening.  I had body aches (and not the good kind,  like when your drooling over say a shirtless photo of hugh jackman),  and I just felt like crap!  So yesterday I pumped myself with advil (the proper dosage) and emergen-c (which kicks the snot out of anything).  Now,  I'm back to my old sarcastic self (hooray)!  I think I may have gotten food poisoning from the deli at Rosauers.  I had eaten the orange glazed sweet and sour chicken with white rice.  Don't ever get that dish from their deli (look out)!  

I read on line yesterday,  that P!nk (that's how she spells her name),  is getting a divorce from her hubby.  She's way too much of a party rock princess,  to be tied down with a husband.  Now,  maybe a  few man slaves,  that I can see.  I love P!nk.  I know she's gotten a lot of slack in the past,  but I think I like her so much,  because she's the bad girl in all of us gay men that we wanna be! (minus the pierced tongue and gold teeth).  I bet I'f you called her a lady,  she'd kick your ass!  Go P!nk!  And yet,  another britney update.  She was seen partying with,  of all people her own father!  She should've called me.  I would've gone out with you brit!  I mean,  come on.  That's like your dad dropping you off in front of the school when you were a child,  and he wouldn't leave as soon as he pulled in front of the curb.  So your trying to leave the car a.s.a.p. so that the "cool kids" (hell,  ANY kid), don't see your dad (or mom.  Let's not forget mom,  she may actually be the parent who draws more attention to you than dad).  Your walking up the sidewalk,  which feels like the longest walk in history of mankind.  As your walking up to the doors of the school,  halfway on the sidewalk,  you hear mom or dad shout "have a great day!" Or  "get good grades",  or "be sure to flush".  You get my point.  It's embarrassing.  Then some of the other kids ask you who that was,  and your trying to come up with a believable answer.  So you say something like "who?  Ooh that was my crazy neighbor who lives across the street from me".  You have to mention someone who isn't related to you in ANY way,  not even a 3rd cousin,  or you'll never hear the end of it for the rest of the school year!    Good times!

I am going to rent Michael Clayton and American gangster tonight,  and give you a full review tomorrow.  Also,  I am going to the eye doctor tomorrow for an eye exam (obviously),  and to pick out new frames.  I'll talk about that as well.  I am going to e-mail Kathy (shocker),  but I am also going to see how much it would cost to bring her to perform in Montana.  I may have to have several people give me a donation,  to get her here.  I will let you know what happens on that end also.  Hope everyone (all 5 readers still!  Thanks all),  are doing well.  C U tomorrow!  

Holy cow! Almost 2 weeks since my last blog, and I missed Kathy thursday last week. THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE!!

I don't know what has come over me.  I have NEVER waited this long to write a blog,  since I started almost 6 weeks ago.  Maybe it's the weather?  Maybe it's a long and overcast full moon?  Who knows.  I am going to try my hardest to write a blog more often.  I think the problem may be that there isn't really interesting to write about (who am I kidding!  There's always something to write about).  Let's dive right in.  Apparently the "big" story I keep seeing on the internet is that Gary Coleman got married.  O.K. you'd think that statement would be enough,  and everything would be said and done with it.  WRONG!  They are talking about his new marriage,  like brad and angelina adopting another village.  Who cares.  Yes,  I'm happy that "arnold" finally tied the knot (or was tied into a knot,  whichever),  but they keep talking about it.  I'd rather see a kitten rescued from a tree,  from a shirtless fireman but we can't always get what we want,  now can we!  Let gary and his new bride enjoy their new lives together,  and leave us out of it (please)!

On a much happier note.  The writer's strike is finally over!  Hooray!  Most of the shows that were affected by the strike,  plan to pump out 6-7 episodes before the season is over.  I am so happy!  New housewives,  new betty,  new Oprah.  Ooh wait,  she didn't even go on strike.  I am also excited (when aren't I),  because spring also means new c.d. season.  Janet drops hew new c.d. next tuesday (and who has it on order already?  Hmm),  and the B-52's have a new disc coming out in april,  as well as Panic at the disco.  They dropped the exclamation from the end of the group's title!  So now I'm using it every chance I get!  It's actually annoying!  stop it!!

I never got to watch the Grammy awards last week.  I heard that Beyonce' dissed Aretha,  and said she wasn't the queen of soul,  that Tina was.  You 3 queens need to take it outside,  and duke it out!  Watch the face.  And what's with beyonce' always wearing gowns that have sequins and beading on them,  like she's competing for miss u.s.a.?  They do make gowns that DON'T have to sparkle!  It's called picking up a catalog.  Read it sister!  (So much for meeting her now).

That's all I got for today.  I'll be back (promise),  in a couple days.  Hope kathy isn't too upset,  that I forgot to send her my weekly hello e-mail (she's probably thinking thank god he finally gave up!).  Until we (me) writes again,  Have a good one!  (Have 2 for me!)  Holla!  I'm O-U-T!

   

I'M BACK! AND JUST IN TIME FOR KATHY GRIFFIN THURSDAY!

O.K.  After a long break (over a week,  and still not tanner),  I am back!  This blog spot is my outlet to voice my opinion on life in general,  and I'm  not going to just stop and not do it anymore (2 words-PA LEEZ)!  With that said,  we have a lot to catch up on so let's get started.  I was surprised (o.k. not really,  just a dramatic affect) that Eva Longoria's new movie Over Her Dead Body,  finished in 11th place over this past weekend.  I still wanna see it,  but I think I'll wait for the d.v.d.  I am going to go see There Will Be Blood tomorrow night.  It better be as good as the hype,  or there will be blood for a refund from the box office (o.k. more like a please may I have a refund)!  Britney is out of the hospital.  And her parents were quoted as saying "we are worried about her."  Hmm.  YA THINK!  Call me crazy (don't actually),  but I think maybe you finally have something right for once.  You all need help as a family,  and you should all go to counseling together.  God,  I sound like DR. Phil!  Enough about that.  I wasn't able to watch the superbowl on sunday,  due to me working,  and becoming comatose at work from boredom.  I did watch the yahoo top 5 commercials from the big game on line.  Justin Timberlake's commercial for Pepsi was #1.  I thought it was funny.  The talking stained shirt for tide to go was also in their top 5.  Now they show it every chance they can get.  It is driving me nuts!  It was funny at first,  but it's one of those commercials that you can't watch more than a couple times.  Just kill the stain already!  I also missed Paula and Randy's pre recorded performance to their new song.  I heard that Tom petty was the half time entertainment,  but I am not certain.  Any reader that I have (all 5),  who know what happened with half time,  let me know.  Miss janet and her new album hits stores on the 26th of this month.  I,  of course already have it pre ordered through i-tunes.  I hope it's better than her last album,  20 y.o. or there will be blood (I couldn't resist)!  Paris Hilton was named "woman of the year" from harvard.  Harvard,  what are you thinking?  Aren't you supposed to be the smart and intelligent university,  not the vocational school?  I'd rather see the award given to somebody who deserves it,  like Kathy! (Like you all didn't see that suck up comment coming)!  I am glad to be back,  and I want to thank all my readers (still the 5).  I will be back tomorrow with another observation of life!